Bitches Be Crazy: Facebook Fueled Psychosis

Bitches be crazy, this is pretty universally understood, but social networking has taken this to a whole new level with the Relationship Status. While Myspace had the opportunity to list your status, it didn't set-up for the anxiety of waiting for someone to approve or deny your request. Of announcing to your friends and family that you were seeing this one person. Forget whether or not you two have spent a sizable amount of time together, have met each others family, or have tagged photos with you both making that horrible smoochy-face. Prepare for the moment of building pressure where you wait for someone to "Accept you're in a relationship with:"

I Don't Trust Non Drinkers

Having proudly managed to shove a gallon of shitty, bottom shelf vodka into any purse I've carried since the seventh grade; I look at drinking as a serious commitment. Few things show greater personal and financial commitment than drinking. Adulthood is about learning to invest time and money, learning to form deep commitments; if you can't do those things with a person, I maintain a great Plan B to emotional attachment is binge drinking.

Why women THINK they hate oral sex

Many women want to take the job in "Blowjob" and use it as an excuse to only do it on National holidays. Between their jobs, children, friends, or turning tricks(no one here is judging if your girlfriend is a prostitute) the last thing most women enjoy is giving without "getting" anything. I don't think women ACTUALLY hate giving oral sex, I think they've just lost sight of why they once enjoyed it..

Keep Your Emotions Away From My Vagina

The best part about FWB(friends with benefits) is that it is all benefit and not much friend, which is fine by me because the last thing I need is having to pretend to give a damn about someone else's problems. In the beginning its a big race to not only orgasm and get the fuck out, but prove who isn't going to be the one to get emotionally attached. Among orgasm's and late night hookups is an underlying competition: who's going to want more than just sex first?

The art of hooking up with your ex

Some people have amazing sexual chemistry, to the point it's undeniable even after a shitty breakup. I have a particular ex that even during our VERY messy breakup, I still couldn't claim the sex was bad or he had a microscopic dick(don't even deny we love to do that, ladies). The sex was just THAT good! Thankfully, after the emotions and pissed off Facebook posts ended, the emotions died and the fucking re-started.

Jesus Get Your Freak On

I once dated a guy who was saving it for Jesus(I know, I don't know what I was thinking either). Fun little fact here guys: sexist oppressive religious rules only apply to women(that's an actual fact, read any bible). Other than never going past second base with me, this guys favorite hobby was talking about how much he loved boobs. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't, but in my experience a good way to express love for boobs is by putting your dick between them

One Night Stand

My New Years resolution was to become a bigger slut. Maybe that's not exactly a popular choice among the fake gym promises and carb-banning, but I was committed to having a resolution I could spread for. If you can't beat 'em, fuck 'em.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Autoblow 2: A realistic robotic oral sex simulator for men

Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign, pre-buy before this baby becomes available to the public! Autoblow 2: A realistic robotic oral sex simulator for men



So what is this amazing and innovative new toy? Its built like a kitchen appliance instead of a toy and its the only male product ever made which is powerful enough to stroke up and down without stopping... because it plugs into the wall outlet (no batteries). The Autoblow 2 is a powerfully realistic electronic male pleasure machine. It is the first device of its kind to work with 3 sizes of interchangeable sleeves. Currently, nearly all major brands of toys for men are manually operated, meaning you have to grip them with your hand, and move them up and down. Existing male stroking machines are not robust enough to feel appropriately realistic



So, I know what you're thinking: HOW AWESOME IS THIS?! Very awesome, obviously.  If this product sounds like the wet dreams you've been waiting for, check out how you contribute and get yourself on board to be able to get off.


I received compensation for this post, all views expressed are my own

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Cocolicious fluttering butterfly


Assuming you don't live under a rock, you know Coco (as in...Ice T's wife). She recently came out with her own sex toy line with my favorite,  California Exotics. I was eager to try the Cocolicious Fluttering Butterfly to see what she had come up with...I was left pretty disappointed. 

Upon opening the Fluttering butterfly I first noticed the intense smell coming from the toy, like play dough meets a cabin at 5th grade camp. Loading in the two double A batteries, the vibrations felt fairly strong in my hand...alas upon use, I couldn't feel the clitoral vibrations at all, even on highest speed. At the highest speed I could at least feel the shaft vibrations and the curve of the shaft stimulated my g spot.  While this toy would be great for foreplay,  it couldn't get me off if it tried. I would however recommend this toy as a "My first vibrator". It seems like a good starter not to overwhelm.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

New products for increasing satisfaction in the bedroom?

Some new products for increasing satisfaction in the bedroom
There has been a bit of a revolution regarding the adult sex toys found available to buyers widely. What was once restricted to the back rooms of adult bookstores are now featured and highlighted on the sites of reputable merchants all over the internet. The result of this emerging trend include increased access to these products and goods, as well as an increased comfort-level for shoppers who are interested in learning more about some of these items.

There is also more attention being paid to the quality of the toys and devices offered. These products are in demand by a wide range of consumers, so quality and longevity are being concentrated on by some manufacturers in the industry. The notion of a gag-gift no longer is given to many personal vibrators, sexual aids, and devices, as many more people are finding that the expanded availability tempts them to consider making a purchase.

Perhaps the more relevant questions pertain to the actual merchant, and the level of customer satisfaction provided by these sellers. There should be some user-friendly aspects to any site, including a discreet way to inquire about items or to ask questions. These are the sites that are focused on pleasing the customer, both during and after a sale.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Everyone is Irish on March 17th



Everyone's Irish On March 17th, unfortunately. Which is fucking annoying. Y'all wanna drink with us? Cool beans, bring it on, but don't run around doing shit like this:



  1.  Don't Know Why You're Celebrating:
    I'm quite obviously the first one to enjoy any reason to drink, but when it comes to holidays I either figure out why the celebration is happening or get the fuck out of the way. I enjoy Cinco De Mayo. Not Mexican, so what do I do? I drink, stay respectful, and don't be a douchebag to the people celebrating their heritage/country.


  2.  Pinch People Who Aren't Wearing Green:
    How do you know a true Irish person on St. Patrick's day? While you're pinching people, we're punching people! I haven't decked myself out in all green since the 4th grade, nor do I plan or need to, nor am I going to pinch people who do the same. Why? I'm fucking out drinking and celebrating, what the fuck you wear is your business. Pinch me however and I will haul off and hit you.

  3.  Wear Something With A Stupid "Irish" Saying On It:
    I see walmart was having a sale on $2 douchebag "Irish" sayings T-shirts

  4.  Drink Green Beer:
     All this dying crap green baffles me. Do you know what color I like my alcohol? I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT COLOR IT IS, JUST GIVE IT TO ME. While you're asking for green beer I've already taken six shots and laughed my ass off at your stupidity.



  5.  Claim you're IRISH:
    You're not, asshole. Unless you were born IN Ireland (or both your parents are 100% Irish), you're not. Odds are you're Irish-American. So, don't go around claiming your 4% heritage of Irish makes you IRISH! Shut the fuck up and respect people. You hear me say it over and over again, I am IRISH-AMERICAN! Why? Because even though some of my relatives came from Ireland, the fact is they married non-100% Irish people. True shit. Nothing makes you sound like a bigger drunk douche than stumbling around, spilling your green beer, while shouting "FUCK YOU MAN, SORRY FOR PARTYIN, I'M JUST IRISH" ...please don't insult the good people of Ireland with that noise

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Body and Soul Lavish

Cal Exotics Body and Soul lavish stops just short of actually getting the job done. The ridges and width are certainly pleasurable, but the length is just a few inches shy of massaging the g-spot. What it lacks in length, it makes up for in speed. Rumbles for days, this 5 speed massager brings a POW when you turn the power on.

Pro's
Deep rumbles
Easy to use touch controller
5 speeds
5 functions

Waterproof
Body safe silicone
Price


Con's

Non recharagable
Little short/needs a tad more length
No designated off switch

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Fuck you, this is a rant



Next person who sends me a petition to sign to raise minimum wage to $15 an hour is getting bitch slapped.

1: Minimum wage jobs are meant to be a stepping stone, a right of passage as you enter into the work force. If you're 40 and make minimum wage still, that's on you.

2: Inflation is an actual thing. So, when you nearly double the minimum wage, that means gas/food/crack prices are going to double too. You cant get double your wage and think everything will stay the same price and suddenly you can afford ALL THE THINGS EVER.

3: If you make $15 an hour at Mcdonalds, it's a huge slap to the face of everyone who's been at their job 7 years and worked their way up to $23 an hour.

So, no. Fuck you. Never gonna fucking happen, fucking hippies.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Currently March: Mardi Gras Edition

Listening to:




Loving: The Sunday Funday crew. Knitting inside and hiding like a weirdo. Patron. That Game of Thrones and Orphan Black will be back soon-ish. Ky <3

Thinking: More like over thinking. Always.

Feeling: Incredibly hungover, I didn't eat all day and then did Mardi Gras...that was not a good idea, self

Secret Addiction: Uhhhh, fuck me, I don't fucking know people.

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